Mytri

I remember very clearly when and where I first met her. It was in a Toastmasters meeting at Logica back in September 2010. She wasn’t a Toastmaster then, neither is she now; But as destiny would have it that’s where I first met her. I was giving my first speech; she was there in the audience and gave an impromptu speech (something about Green color). She made heads turn and eyebrows raise and that’s when her face registered in my mind. Her name didn’t stick, but the face did.

For a few weeks I did not see her, she was with a different business unit and we had no mutual friends either. In October I got a chance to host a show at office and it was one of the good days on stage for me. I was wearing a blazer for the first time and it was a big occasion (Understandably I was nervous). Soon after, I wrote a blog in Logica’s intranet about Sachin Tendulkar. Sprinkled with some fancy words and some purposefully complex sentences, it soon became popular. I had subscribers to my blog and one of my friends Suja, called me up commended me on the blog and said a friend of hers wanted to wish me too. That’s when Mytri spoke to me! The first ever conversation I had with her. Apparently she loved my blog. I do not know if she knew me as the guy who spoke at TM, but I didn’t have any idea who she was.

I later asked Suja who Mytri actually was, since the name seemed so unfamiliar. What she told me then was surprising and unexpected; she said this was the girl who spoke about the Green color at the tm meeting. Suja also went on to say Mytri and I would make a great pair and she can give us an intro. I side stepped her suggestion then, but I never forgot what she said. Today though, Suja’s words have actually come true and I guess I should thank her for that J If you are reading this Suj, Thank you so much :)

Shortly after that mytri and I starting conversing; we spoke about the Oscars event and my MC role. She began with a bang J She told me I was having one hand of mine in the pockets throughout the show while hosting and said I must either be a ‘nervous wreck” or “an arrogant fellow”. I was taken aback and angry; with time that episode inspired me to write my first short story “Dahi Bhel Puri”. 

Once past the initial discomforting few days, we became really easy friends. Our conversations were predominantly over the office “Communicator”. Few days later we started messaging and calling each other. Mytri was so much fun to talk to. She was always to the point, always witty. She would ask me open ended questions and would be patient till I answered in full. I loved her language, her politeness and her amazingly shrewd mind. We fought a lot but quickly got back to being friends. We did not have a meet with each other though, but the first time I met her after we became friends was an experience I would never forget. She was fierce to say the least. Her eyes were stern and it was like she had an invisible fence in front of her. I realized that day that she was different from everyone else.

She wouldn’t open up about herself but she managed to make me spill out everything about myself. I often dropped her at the hostel she was staying, after office. The drive was more exciting than anything else I ever did and I would wait for 6pm every day from the moment I woke up. I could sense that she was letting me in a little more, sharing a little more, smiling a lot more. Mytri gave me so much happiness just with her casual talks, with her smiles, with her reassurances..

The first year was all about building the rapport. She told me quite early that she loved me more than she loved any other man. I was a lot more reserved about reciprocating. She seemed way out of my league (she still does sometimes :)) She is such an amazing woman, so strong, sensible, no non-sense and so much more assured about her own self than I ever have been. It made me think a lot more. Here was a woman who was so inspiring and so loving at the same time. I knew I was lucky and I knew I had to rise up to her plane. In a way she made me do it, she pulled me up time after time again :)

I was writing blogs occasionally, she made me write more often. I was irregular to toastmasters and seldom recorded my speeches, she made me speak more and record more often. I loved being in photographs, she made me take photographs. Mytri made me better in a lot of ways and I loved my life a lot more after she came into it. We had quite a few late night conversations and we spent most of the coffee breaks together.

Our 2^nd and 3^rd years together were amazing to say the least. Our relationship grew stronger. On the flip side, our fights were starting to become serious. All along we were playful and non-committal. But suddenly our fights were becoming fiercer. The relationship went through higher crests and lower troughs. Both of us started doubting our choices, both of us felt the ugly side of a relationship. We went to the bottom and I told myself so many times that this was it. Our relationship was going to break off for good. She must have thought the same too, I am not sure. But… we held on. Actually, she held on. She never forgot the love she had for me despite all the fights. No problem was big enough to make her forget the love for me. I have no hesitation in admitting that her love is stronger, deeper and more powerful than mine.

The 4^th year (in progress) has been the landmark :) We are getting married and to express the emotions now is quite impossible. The 3.5 years I have spent with mytri is perhaps the most important part of my life. It taught me too much and made me so much better.

Myts is a strong character and she has gone through a roller coaster of a childhood. Her love for me is unparalleled and I am truly fortunate to have her. Her mom summarized the relationship so beautifully when she said, “Mytri has been an amazing child. In highs and lows of her life she has adapted beautifully. In 23 odd years she has never demanded anything from me or her father. The only thing she ever demanded was you Raghavan. And we are extremely happy to oblige her demands.” Every time I recall the above words I am enveloped by profound silence. I do not know how to respond. All I know is I’m fortunate. And I pray god to make this happiness last forever.

If you are reading this, then you have in some way contributed to our relationship. My heart brims with gratitude and I would love to have you at the wedding. ‘Thanks’ is a very small word, yet as Mytri always says “Life’s beauty lies in the small things”. So THANK YOU :) Thank you for your support, blessings and good wishes. I am sure with all your wishes, Mytri and I would lead a happy and peaceful life ahead :)

PS - If you wish to read Mytri's version of our Love Story, read here

A New Beginning

I grew up in Chennai. I did my schooling in Chennai, finished college as a day scholar, have been working in Chennai. In short, in 25 years of my life I have never ventured away from home. I love my home in Triplicane a lot more than I myself know. Parents are the life spirit and I never could imagine a life away from them. I have travelled away from home in my life, but during all those times I have always been enveloped by the assurance of going back home.

While I was living the most comfortable anyone could dream of, I gradually forgot the universal mantra. Nothing is permanent! I got married to the love of my life in Jan 2015 and life as I knew it has completely changed since then! Though I love my home in Triplicane and claim it is a big property, within a week after marriage we discovered that it was not big enough for 4 full grown adults. It dawned on me that I have to move out of the house and the realization tore into my heart with a shock and pain that I still feel!

Marriage forces change upon the guy as much (perhaps more) as on the girl. I had to convince myself to forget emotion and start being practical. And so, with a heavy heart I took the decision of going away from my home. I had to look for a new house, preferably closer to where my wife was working. And so after a lot of research and hours in front of the computer I found the god-sent “Housing.com”. A cracker-jacker of a site that made things a lot more easier for me. With a list of properties served on a platter this was indeed delightful. This site single-handedly made house hunting a happy affair.

The properties were listed on a Google Map and had accurate locations, showed the distances between points beautifully and the most striking feature was that every property was listed with excellent pictures of every room. This is something that I had never seen before and was a huge relief. Now we could shortlist and narrow down a lot of houses without having to physically visit them.

So after a very easy search, we got a perfect home. A large spacious and economical house (sounds like an oxy-moron? :) ). The first few days were horrible. I could wake up at 7am and find the house filled with sunlight and tantalizing aroma from the kitchen. I could curl up in the sofa with the newspaper and mom would bring coffee. All I had to do was get up, bath and take the lunch box and ride away to office. The house was invariably clean and everything was always in place. But now, in the house that is occupied only me and my wife, things are always a mess. Invariably everything always needs cleaning. I have to get up and get the milk, I have to help in cleaning, I have to fetch water, clean the tables, somedays do the dishes… Work never gets done and has to be done.

But all of this is trivial. I have always helped mom.. the biggest void I feel now is the absence of my mom and dad. The spacious house seemed like a huge empty space. The spirit was somber and the energy levels quite low. But, I realized the magic lies in our hands. My wife taught me how I can make a huge change in our lives with just a small mindset change. Now, things are better, things are looking up.

Coming away from home was the biggest, boldest decision I have taken in my life till date. The prospect was scary, I was hesitant, I am worried… But, I am hopeful of turning it around! For the fact is “Only a rolling stone gathers no moss”

So step out, take that leap of faith, someday soon you will be rewarded!

Victim of Circumstance!

Recently, one of my close relatives was admitted in a premier hospital in Chennai. She was there for one full month & I used to visit her every day. Amidst all the gloom surrounding the hospital environs, I found a glimmer of light in Rocky! Rocky was an absolutely adorable kitten. He was playful, noisy and shy. I first found him on the street, very close to where I had parked my bike. I have never liked hospitals; the smell, the emotions; the looks… everything is so gloomy. The prospect of going to the hospital every day seemed so scary, but thanks to Rocky, the experience was bearable.

Every day as I parked my bike, I would see him playing with random stuff- leaves, sticks, plastic bottles… If I took one step toward him though he used to ‘meow’ loudly and run away to a safe distance. In his eyes I could see fear, morbid fear. He couldn't trust me.. yet!

For the first few days I didn't disturb him. Just stood at a distance and watched him play. After a few days, I guess he warmed up to my presence. He let me walk near him without running away. By the 10^th day he would let me touch him. I started feeding him biscuits and would play with him for a few minutes before entering the hospital and after coming out. For about 15 days the routine continued and I used to feel so happy, relaxed and focused. Rocky was such a lovely cat. When I showed him love, he reciprocated. His love was so evident, so honest, so pure and so invaluable.

Then suddenly one morning Rocky wasn't around. I looked around for him and couldn't locate him. I looked everywhere but to no avail. The rickshawala nearby told me that Rocky had been gravely injured by a stone thrown by a stupid man the previous night. The events that had led to that horrible act were shocking!

Just as the man was entering the hospital the previous night, Rocky had run across the street in front of him. The man glared at rocky and went in. His mother, who had been admitted to the hospital, passed away in the wee hours of the night. The man related his mothers' death to the bad omen of the black cat crossing his path. In fury he came back and beat rocky with a stone, injuring the cat badly. He blamed the innocent black cat that crossed a road, for the misfortune that befell him. Rocky was injured and was taken away by some kind soul nearby. No one knew where he is now or what happened to him!

Rocky’s absence left a deep void in me. Till the rickshawwala told me, I did not realize that Rocky was black. He has crossed my path so many times and nothing bad ever happened to me! His eyes and his playful meows continue to ring in my ears. He enjoyed his biscuits and he never disturbed anybody, yet, he was stoned! Rocky became a victim of circumstance. 

By bringing me into his world, life showed Rocky that not all men are bad. It sent him a guy who fed him biscuits and played with him every day. And just when he was getting used to human beings, life sent a threat and gifted him stones!

Our lives and Rocky's are in many ways similar. So many times we fall victim to circumstance. For no fault of ours we are punished. For no fault of ours we are condemned. Many a times we are misunderstood and it turns out bad! All of us are victims of circumstance. Sometimes we get the flower and sometimes we get the thorn! Rocky got love and stones! But, even in his misfortune, Rocky gave birth to the idea of this blog! Let's strive to be graceful even in a fall!

The Alter-Ego

Writing is a unique pleasure. It piques your grey cells, gets your adrenaline pumping in a queer way and sets your mind wandering off to distant lands. The first time I wrote I realized that it was an exercise in self actualization. It soon became a passion and today writing has become a part of me. But the irony of it all is how I felt about taking a pen when I was at school and college. I was terrified, I was afraid that I would embarrass myself and I refused to write even 100 words. One day though, I forced myself to attempt writing and the rest just fell in place.

My friends know that I am mad about water sports, adventures and the stage. But there is something that very few know till now and that’s my alter-ego! I have, always in life, been driven by insecurity! Insecurity that one day my fears will get the better of me!

There have been times when I felt so scared of water that I used to dread the swimming classes my mom took me to. I remember the days when I shivered on stage and refused to speak one word in English. And the one fear that has perhaps been the longest in my memory is the morbid fear of heights. I still find my nerves jangling and my head going off into a tizzy when I stand at the very top and look below.

But I found the right people in life and the right guidance. I kept hearing the oft repeated cliché “facing fears is the only way to be rid of them” and “Rise above fear, beyond fear is victory”. One day a switch inside of me flipped and I decided to step over the line and try! It was a huge step for me. On the one hand I was facing the risk of embarrassment in front of people and on the other hand the risk of getting hit physically. But I took a leap of faith, literally… and that’s when my love affair with the sea and water in general started. Today I absolutely love the idea of a swim or a dip in the ocean and I am not scared anymore of water.

Public speaking was very similar too and so was writing. Today I maintain a blog and I absolutely love the experience. My toastmasters journey is one I cherish the most.

Writing this article has helped me reflect on my alter ego and I thank Indigblogger for pushing me to write. I realize that I am a man of two opposites (yes even today) and most of my passions were initially my fears. When I did choose to face them head on they became my allies! The experience is electric and it is truly a fantastic journey. I am afraid still, but I see that there is an opportunity in fear and I like that challenge.

I loved this recent ad from Mountain Dew. It is a fantastic illustration of how fun life could be, if we let go of our fears and took that Leap of faith. Fear is a wall we refuse to see beyond. If only we stepped out… :)



The cliché is true after all :) Face them if you want to conquer them! Or, as the folks at Mountain Dew say, Darr kea age jeeth hain :)

My Wish List!

I have always loved travelling and my tastes when it comes to places of stay are quite varied. I have always asked myself what kind of places would i love to stay. Every time my answer has been different. I have never outwardly expressed my tastes before, but the Indiblogger community in association with AirBnb has given me an interesting chance to do just that :) 

Airbnb is a trusted community marketplace for people to list, discover, and book unique accommodations around the world — on-line or from a mobile phone. Airbnb connects people to unique travel experiences, at any price point, in more than 34,000 cities and 190+ countries. Check out more about AirBnb in this https://www.airbnb.co.in/?af=3330229&c=IndiBlogger. 

So here's my Wish-List from the thousands of listings on AirBnb. How I wish I could visit all these places. That would be some vacation wouldn't it? :)

The places I have chosen in my wish list are 

1. Chile – This country is quite unusual. On a map, It looks like a long ribbon. Its geography extends linearly. The beaches in Chile are famous and are a unique pleasure. I have chosen a unique Boat stay at Chile and I wish someday I could visit here!

2. Iceland – Ever since I heard Christopher Nolan’s interstellar was shot extensively in this part of the world, I have wanted to visit Iceland. Take a look at the place on my wish list and you will fall in love too :)

Pictures from airbnb.co.in

3. CA – I have chosen this place more for the property, The Hobbit Hut. Such a fantasy it would be. To live the life of a Hobbit! Being a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings, this place is a must visit for me!

4. Indonesia – A place I am visiting shortly! The property I have selected is 2 BHK with a private pool. Located at the most happening part of Bali, this is quite an attractive place to stay in

5. Paris – The most romantic city in the world. The home of the Eiffel tower and the location to die for. This was an obvious choice on my wish list. The property I have chosen is a beautiful flat, replete with a completely intimate and romantic setting, it truly reflects the city’s spirit.

6. London – The city of my dreams. I would vote London as my most favorite city. I love the culture, the people and the language they speak. They are the founders of Cricket, home to the Premier League of football and the home of Sherlock Holmes. That it is my favorite city is so elementary, isn’t it Watson? ;)

7. India – Maybe the last but by no means the least. My home. The land of palaces and beauty. I have chosen the Charming Bungalow in UP. It is my utmost desire to stay in a huge place someday. The wish gets fulfilled in the wish list first ;)

Oh before I forget, there is an amazing referral program on this too :) Here's my referral https://www.airbnb.co.in/invite/?af=3330229&c=IndiBloggerref. Use this link to get free credits :) Remember, you multiply joy, when you share :) So go ahead, use you credits and share them with your friends :) 

PS - If you need free credits, post your email on the comments here and I will send you some credits ;)

Yes or No

So much has been talked/debated/written about pre-marital sex. Those who stand for it vow that it is their right to decide what they must or must not do, and those against it use the “Moral” code perhaps too generously. What amuses me though, is how the question bypassed several other levels and directly came into the “Right” or “Wrong” category. How did the debate transcend many other points of contention before it came to ask people “Are you for or against it?”.

For example, say I eat Noodles for dinner… people don’t immediately start debating on if they are for or against following the same eating pattern. It ultimately stops one step before and the verdict is “It may not be a healthy practice, but it’s the individual’s wish”. Same goes for the colors someone prefers, the homes people build, the jobs they work in or even the partners they choose for life! So why then did the question of pre-marital sex get classified in the “Right or Wrong”, “For or Against, “Stand by it or Swear against it scenario”?. Well, the reason I can think of it is because our country holds the institution of marriage as the highest social yardstick, and with good reason I must add.

Evolution has always started with chaos. The Universe evolved from Chaos but over a period of time it survived because some form of Order seeped into its existence. Mankind is no different. When marriage was not yet as prevalent the social evils against women were uncontrollable. Marriage brought in a sense of order. In India it is practically very difficult to be socially safe without marriage. Unfortunately into all our lives corruption has seeped in. Punishments are never fair, justice is very rarely served. The moral fear of committing a mistake has practically been washed away. And hence, the need for the institution of marriage assumed strength. It became necessary before you got the “LICENSE”. Evolution is a continuous process and once order set in, man started questioning why it is there. So here we are again, questioning why marriage should be a factor in determining whether I am allowed to do something or not.

Personally my views are completely away from the Yes or No question. From how I see it, before we ask the “right or wrong” question, we must think and answer the questions: “Is it necessary or not”, “Is it worth it or not”. Most of us debate on whether the indulgence is right or wrong, but are we actually debating/discussing on the consequences of the act? Are we considering the emotional and physical changes we might undergo after? We live in a society where getting pregnant before marriage is considered a Taboo, we cannot change it overnight. So, are we ready to tackle that scenario in a sensitive way wherein no one involved is hurt? Emotionally and physically? Are the precautions we might undertake fail-proof? Are we ready to face the consequences?

If the two people involved are sure of what they are doing and have planned it all out to face whatever may happen after the indulgence, then there is no question at all. But if they aren’t.. and the only reason to even do it is social pressure or incapacity to control overflowing hormones or just to experience the short thrill… then it is completely not fair to do it.

Is it Right or Wrong? Ask yourself. Is it necessary or not? Ask each other.

I am hopeful that more insights and opinions would be discussed in the new book by Poonam Uppal - A Passionate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story

But no matter what, just be prepared to face the consequences. Our short-sightedness prevents us from looking at anything beyond the few minutes/hours of pleasure. It is in this trait of mankind though, that the universe moves onward… albeit in circles!

Banega Swachh India!

India is a country of multiple faiths, religions and languages. Very few initiatives have transcended the multiple boundaries and reached people effectively. Either the spirit is lost in translation or it reaches people so late that the very campaign becomes irrelevant. But here is one campaign that has the power to be relevant over a few years if not generations. This, by the way is nothing to proud of; yet this is something we can actually use to our advantage.

The Swachh india is the vision of our PM. But the truth is, he has echoed out loud the voices that keep running inside everyone of our heads. Two of the biggest terms used as foundation for this campaign are sanitation and hygiene. Nothing would be worse on our part, than overlooking these two biggies. Swachh India has drawn our attention to the importance of hygiene and sanitation and quite a few commendable activities have flooded the social media already. The question is, “Is one day’s worth of action enough?”

Take a walk on your streets; whether it is the main road or a sub lane or a tiny alleyway. The roads are strewn with plastics, the corners carry the disgusting stench of urea, the bins are surrounded by trash, food particles, spit and wastes have spoiled so much of our roads. Everyday the roads are being swept, the trash is being taken away by the civic authorities, the plastics are picked by rag-pickers. Yet, in a matter of hours the roads get back to the sorry state they were… WHY? Why does this happen? Where is the hole in the system?

The answer is simple, WE are the problem. We are the hole in the system. Our callous attitude is the sole reason. We write pages and talk for hours but when it comes to execution a lot of us fail miserably. We don’t think twice before spitting on the ground. We casually throw away chocolate wrappers, junk food boxes, excess food, water bottles, paper cups and many more on the road; even when the trash cans are a few meters away.

Urinating on the streets is an act of shame but we never stop do we? We let our kids relieve themselves, because WE say they can’t hold on. Drunken men just don’t care about the place. Educated people are worse. They pick corners where no one can see and people just follow their lead. Soon that neat corner becomes the foulest place on the street. When we throw trash on the roads when the bins are few meters away, does it really make sense to say if we build 1000 toilets on that stretch people won’t urinate in public? The most common excuses would be, 1. I didn’t know there was a toilet nearby. 2. The toilets are not clean (WTH? Ya I get you). 3. The toilets are not safe for children. 4. <Think of anything you might say and fill it here>

No, none of the efforts can actually give you a complete solution. One part will always be missing! And that part is HOME! Sanitation and hygiene begin at Home. When you teach the kids to not give excuses and develop intrinsic discipline they will change; when you as parents/guardians/siblings lead by example the family will follow. The biggest challenge in life is living by your principles. Tell yourself to be disciplined and at home make it a habit to be disciplined. Think of Sachin Tendulkar, his discipline is what made him what he is, his self control stopped him from endorsing a tobacco product even though it would have given him 7 Crores more. Look up at your role model and hero. Their good habits started at home.

Sanitation and hygiene starts at home too. Let’s develop the habit of throwing trash into the bin and nowhere else. Let’s make a promise not to dirty the roads. Appreciate the many endeavors of people around us. Here is a sample, NDTV’s swachh india campaign - http://swachhindia.ndtv.com/

Let’s do our bit to the society and our own selves. Let’s start the revolution at home and together let’s make a Swachh India!